


Snowballing Thoughts

by ArcherSceptile



Category: X-Factor (Comics), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Break Up, Ficlet, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-25 04:37:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21350371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcherSceptile/pseuds/ArcherSceptile
Summary: Jamie Madrox can handle almost anything. Brainwashing, evil dupes, being turned into a demon? No sweat. Being asked, "How you doing?" That might be a problem. What's going on in Jamie's head?
Kudos: 7





	Snowballing Thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my usual style of storytelling, this mainly just one paragraph of rambling thoughts. I just woke up and started writing. I hope you guys like it.

“Yo, Madrox, I heard about the breakup. How you doing?” Guido asks. Jamie takes a breath and thinks about the question for a second. 

_ Abandoned, that’s how I feel. Only I don’t say anything, cuz that just leads to more questions. “What happened,” “Who hurt you,” that kind of shit. And not only do I not want to hear it, but I also don’t want or need to burden other people with my crap. With my pain. She’s still one of my closest friends, but I feel like I just lost her forever. Sure I’ll recover from this one day, but right now?  _ ** _Every_ ** _ second is agony. Not in the “Oh woe is me, I’ll never love again” kind of way. Because let’s face it, I will. I’ll fall in love again, and I’ll screw her life up too. Everything I touch gets destroyed, and now another innocent life gets caught in the crossfire. My heart may be broken, but her life is destroyed. She’s 100 times better off without me, maybe everyone is. And you know the kicker? Even after the breakup, after everything that’s happened, she still cares about me. I don’t deserve it. I never have. Why would I? I wasn’t right for her. I knew it, she knew it, hell, Guido probably knows it too. But I did it anyway right? And then what happened? She met someone who was. Yeah, she loves me, and yeah I love her. But it just hurts. I want to be mad at her for leaving me for someone else, but in the end, it’s on me. I knew what was happening and I did nothing. I let it happened, scared to tell her my feelings. And then what? She found out, but by then already cemented her choice with the new guy. I want to hate him. I want to hate him for taking away the happiest aspect of my life. But I can’t. I don’t know the guy. And if she likes him, he’s gotta be at least some kind of decent maybe. But then again, she did also pick me, so who knows. I should have told her sooner, how much I loved her. How much just seeing her smile brightens up my day. How looking at her face makes me forget what pain is. How holding her felt like 2 puzzle pieces fitting together. But I didn’t. I didn’t say anything. I kept it to myself, scared I’d ruin what we had. Oops. Did it anyway. Damned if I do, amiright? I want to leave here, leave everything, and just be alone. She can have her perfect new relationship, she honestly deserves it. Fuck, and I made her cry too. The day we broke up, I knew it was coming. I pretended it was all ok, but inside I was dying. And then she cried. She cried because she knew she hurt me because she blames herself for my mistake. I messed up, I’m the one who initiated the relationship. It wasn’t her fault. And I tried to tell her, but that didn’t help. She was hurt. I was hurt. At least she had him to go to for support and love and all that. She said I could come to her, but really, can I? Can I really burden her with all my childish feelings and insecurities? Well, I mean, technically I can. Hmmm, maybe then the question is, Should I? And the answer is no. I can tell her the surface stuff, I’m hurt, I miss you, I’m sorry I screwed up your life (which I just found out that Hallmark doesn’t make cards for that). I can’t tell her I haven’t slept soundly since the breakup. That I pretend I sleep so that way she doesn’t worry. That my head has been one nonstop headache since then. Through it all, I am glad she’s happy. But I’m not. But I can’t let that interfere with our friendship, I guess. This is gonna be hard. I… I can’t lose her. Not after everything that’s happened. I love her way too much. I think it’s time to face the music and maybe talk about my issues with someone I can trust. This is gonna be one uphill battle, like that Sisyphus guy and the boulder that Hercules won’t shut up about.  _

Jamie releases his breath after what felt like an eternity and looks his best friend in the eye. “I-I’m fine.” Guido raises an eyebrow to him, and Jamie knows he can’t lie to him. “I’m not. I’m not fine.” 

“I know buddy. You can talk to me about it. I know I’m a comedic legend around here, but underneath that beats the heart of someone who knows about pain. C’mon, I’ll buy you a bagel and we can discuss things.” Guido offers his fist to Jamie, who after a second fist bumps him. 

“You’re buying? Can I get a coffee too?” Jamie asks. He keeps thinking about her, but maybe there might be something to this whole talking about your problems thing. 

“At 4 bucks a cup? You think I’m made of money?” Guido shakes his head, and the two friends head to the coffee shop for one long-overdue talk. 


End file.
